Tuesday, September 4, 2007

A dog's life? Pooch to get $12 million...which gives me an idea

Among the more unusual news items of the last week or so was the revelation that the late Leona Helmsley left $12 million in her will for her dog named Trouble.

Of course, Helmsley was well known during her life for extravagance and excess. Her estate was worth billions, but in the 1980s she gained notoriety when she was indicted and convicted on charges relating to tax evasion. She received the nickname "the Queen of Mean" and one of her employees once quoted her as saying, "Only the little people pay taxes."

So, it really isn't much of a shock that she would do something like this. Additionally, when the dog dies, she will be buried in the Helmsley mausoleum next to Leona. That is a pretty comfortable final resting place for a dog.

It got me thinking about how I would like to be memorialized when I pass away. I don't mean to sound morbid, but I believe all of us have thought about this at one time or another.

With this in mind, I hereby announce that once I die all proceeds from my estate will be used to build a statue in my honor. It will commemorate my life, and I want it to be erected at Measurement, Inc., in Antioch. I also request that the management at MI (that means you Steve and Mary Beth) be in charge of this effort, and I would like you to develop a proposal soon summarizing your plans.

Like I said, all the funds from my estate will be available to build this statue once I die. Now, I don't know how good a statue you can build for $80, but I'm sure you two can come up with something. Perhaps it can be built out of some type of cracker.

Sure, it won't be as extravagant as what Trouble gets, but who of us will get that?


Joltin' Django said...

I think that's a great idea!

I'll bet one of the artist-types who work at MI would be willing to create a Chris Martin, RIP statue for 80 bucks. It could be papier-mâché, constructed with a big bunch o' "recycled" papers.

You need to come up with a good pose. Something original. Perhaps you doing the "crane" pose from The Karate Kid. Or, maybe, you doing a handstand. No, I got it: you givin' double devil horns with your hands whilst wearing a Winger T-shirt.

Anonymous said...

Keebler Club crackers, i think, smothered with country crock honey butter spread for a most edible finish and mortar ...

Chris said...

Thanks for the feedback. I plan to huddle with my mentor and guru, Dr. Nelson Talbott, this weekend. Based on his feedback, I will plan my next move.

I'm guessin' this idea dies pretty quickly.