Me want Krispy Kreme bacon cheeseburger...me want it now

Recently, I have become more and more fixated on the Krispy Kreme bacon cheeseburger. For those who don't know, this delicacy is a conventional bacon cheeseburger but a Krispy Kreme donut is used for the bun. It is not served nationally by a restaurant chain, but it has popped up at several state fairs and minor league baseball parks.

Based on what I have read, one of them runs somewhere between 1,000 and 1,500 calories. Since adults should only eat 2,000 calories per day, one of these babies can bankrupt a person's diet.

I have never eaten one, and I know I should not eat one. But I want one really bad. Bacon, beef, cheese, and donut in one sandwich...oh baby, oh baby, oh baby, oh baby, oh baby.

For kids reading this, don't do what I do, but do what I say. Don't eat one. I'm just a poor man whose taste buds have gotten the better of him.

I'm heading to a very dark place.

Lack of sausage drives men to madness in New Mexico

Apparently, inmates at a Lea County New Mexico correctional facility will only be pushed so far.

Thirty-three inmates decided enough was enough when told they would only get one sausage with their dinner. They yelled and screamed in their cells, and they caused damage to windows and broke toilets, according to an Associated Press report.

Two law enforcement agencies were called in to restore the peace.

It would be easy to ridicule these folks, but think about it. How would you react if you were expecting pork sausage aplenty and got stuck with one measly piece? I can only try to put myself in their shoes.

After all, how would I feel if "the man" told me I would only be getting four Dr. Peppers today instead of my usual six? Or if the Krispy Kreme delivery man said to me, "Sorry, fella. No doughnuts for you, but enjoy sucking on this bagel."

Trust me, I would be bustin' every toilet between here and the Rio Grande.

So fight on, my New Mexican brothers. Some day, maybe we can all live in a paradise where the sausage, doughnuts, and Dr. Peppers fall from the sky like rain.